Relationship anarchy worksheet: Free template for therapists & couples

A relationship anarchy worksheet is a therapeutic tool that helps individuals and couples define their own relationship values, boundaries, and structures. It drops the assumption that every relationship has to follow one predetermined shape.

The free worksheet below covers five domains: values and needs, intimacy, boundaries, commitment, and cohabitation. Each one is answered on its own, so a client can be exclusive in one area and open in another.

The framework comes from Andie Nordgren’s 2006 relationship anarchy manifesto. Therapists, counselors, and coaches now use it with clients exploring ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, or simply questioning the relationship script they inherited.

This guide covers what the worksheet contains, how to introduce it in session, and how it works alongside the relationship anarchy smorgasbord.

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Key takeaways

A relationship anarchy worksheet helps clients design their relationships without predefined labels or inherited scripts.

It covers five domains that each get answered on their own: values and needs, intimacy, boundaries, commitment, and cohabitation.

Therapists, counselors, and coaches use it with clients exploring ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, or relationship uncertainty.

Relationship anarchy describes how relationship decisions get made, so it is not the same thing as polyamory or non-monogamy.

Pabau’s digital forms let therapists complete the worksheet inside the client record, so responses stay with the notes.

What is a relationship anarchy worksheet?

A relationship anarchy worksheet is a structured clinical tool that walks a client through their relationship values, needs, and boundaries without assuming a hierarchy. It turns the philosophy into something a client can actually fill in. Relationship anarchy rejects the idea that a romantic partnership automatically outranks every other bond in a person’s life.

The worksheet does three jobs at once. It creates a shared language for discussing how a relationship is built. It surfaces unstated assumptions about what commitment, intimacy, or cohabitation mean to each person, and it documents the process for later reference.

For therapists it works as an assessment tool and an intervention in the same sitting. Clients move from vague dissatisfaction to specific statements about what they want their relationships to look like.

Generic relationship questionnaires start from a couple and work outward. This one starts from the individual and makes no assumption about the structure they end up describing.

Core principles of relationship anarchy

Relationship anarchy rests on five principles, and the worksheet is built around them:

• Autonomy and agency: Each person defines their own relationships according to their values rather than a social default.
• Consent over hierarchy: Structures get negotiated out loud. No relationship automatically ranks above another.
• Ongoing communication: Agreements are revisited as people and circumstances change, rather than set once and forgotten.
• Diversity of forms: Romantic, sexual, and platonic bonds can be arranged in many configurations, with no single correct model.
• Individual tailoring: What suits one couple or polycule will not suit another, so the point is deliberate choice rather than comparison.

The worksheet turns those principles into five separate areas for reflection. A client answers each area on its own instead of accepting a bundled arrangement that arrived with a label.

Working this way with non-monogamous clients is a competency in its own right. Therapists who want a formal credential in it can pursue AASECT certification in sexuality counseling or sex therapy.

What’s inside the worksheet

The worksheet is organized into five sections. Each one surfaces an assumption first, then asks the client to state a preference:

• Values and needs: Prompts for naming what each person needs to feel fulfilled, secure, and connected. Emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual needs each get their own space.
• Intimacy preferences: A non-judgmental frame for discussing forms of intimacy and how they might be distributed across different relationships.
• Boundaries and limits: Room to state what is and is not acceptable. This covers personal boundaries as well as agreements made between people.
• Commitment and exclusivity: Space to define commitment outside the traditional package. A client can be exclusive emotionally while staying open sexually.
• Cohabitation and practical living: Questions about whether, with whom, and on what terms people want to share space, money, or decisions.

Keeping those five sections apart is the whole point of the tool. A traditional script hands all five over as one preset, while the worksheet asks the client to answer each one separately.

Other forms in Pabau’s template library cover different ground. The psychiatric evaluation template is built for diagnosis and treatment planning, while this one supports relational design.

Understanding the relationship anarchy smorgasbord

The relationship anarchy smorgasbord is a companion tool that lays out possible relationship elements as options to pick from. Its categories mirror the worksheet’s sections: communication, intimacy, commitment, cohabitation, and finances.

The worksheet is discovery-focused and asks what you want. The smorgasbord is menu-focused and shows what is on offer. Therapists often run the two in sequence rather than choosing between them.

Together they make a two-step process. The client clarifies their values privately on the worksheet, then the couple or polycule talks through the possibilities on the smorgasbord.

How to introduce the worksheet in five steps

The worksheet works best when it is adapted to the client in front of you. Here is the sequence most therapists follow:

1. Assess readiness at intake: Check where the client is starting from. They may be questioning their current structure, newly exploring non-traditional forms, or building a framework for couples or polycule work. Say plainly that the worksheet is for design, not criticism.
2. Introduce the five domains: Walk through values, intimacy, boundaries, commitment, and cohabitation, and explain that each can be answered on its own. Relationship anarchy mandates no particular configuration and only insists on a deliberate choice.
3. Invite individual reflection first: Have the client complete the worksheet privately before any joint session, which surfaces their preferences without negotiation pressure. Apply your usual group therapy informed consent practice so confidentiality and use of responses are clear.
4. Facilitate the shared conversation: In couples or group sessions, take one domain at a time and keep the focus on listening before problem-solving. Record agreements and points of divergence in your SOAP notes so the thread survives between sessions.
5. Revisit and revise: Schedule check-ins to update the responses. Preferences evolve, and an annual or biannual review stops an obsolete agreement from turning into a source of conflict.

Tracking those revisions across a caseload is where the admin piles up. Therapy practice management software keeps each version of a client’s worksheet attached to their record, so you can see what changed and when.

Benefits for therapists and clients

The worksheet earns its place in a session in five ways:

• Fewer conflicts rooted in unstated assumptions: Many couples struggle because nobody ever said what commitment or intimacy meant to them. The worksheet gets those definitions on paper before they harden into resentment.
• Normalized exploration: Clients considering polyamory or open relationships often expect judgment. A structured clinical tool signals that the question is a legitimate one to work on.
• Documentation that carries forward: A completed worksheet becomes part of the clinical record. A future clinician, or the client, can see what was agreed and when.
• A baseline for progress: Responses give you something to compare against. A client who reports new conflict can revisit the worksheet and renegotiate from a stated starting point.
• Less improvising in session: A structured tool means you are not inventing a framework mid-conversation. That cuts preparation time and protects your attention for the client.

How Pabau keeps worksheet responses in the client record

Most practices hand this worksheet over as a PDF. The client downloads it, fills it in at home, emails it back, and the therapist retypes the useful parts into a progress note. The completed form then lives in an inbox rather than in the chart.

Pabau, practice management software built for therapy practices, takes a different route. You can rebuild the worksheet as a digital intake form, send it before the session, and have the answers save straight into the client’s record. The completed form is then searchable and sits alongside the notes it informed.

Pabau Scribe, our AI scribe, drafts the session summary from what was discussed, so worksheet findings reach the note without a retyping step. Across a full caseload that removes a recurring admin task from relationship-focused work.

Every Pabau subscription includes every feature, so digital forms, client records, and the online booking portal all come as standard. Nothing here sits behind a higher tier.

See Pabau in action for therapy practices

Book a demo to see how digital forms, client records, and AI documentation work together for relationship-focused therapeutic work.

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Conclusion

Reach for this worksheet when a client’s difficulty is structural rather than behavioral. Somebody who cannot say what they want from a relationship will not get far negotiating it. Five separate prompts do more work than one open question.

Set expectations about the pace. A first pass usually produces a rough draft of someone’s preferences, and the useful version arrives after a joint conversation and a revision. Treat it as a document you return to, not a form you file.

The trade-off worth remembering is that this tool creates a record you then have to maintain. Book a demo to see how Pabau keeps every worksheet, note, and revision in one client record.

Continue your research

Working with a couple rather than an individual? Couples therapy worksheet gives you structured prompts for joint sessions where both partners complete the same exercise.

Need to get boundaries on paper? Marriage boundaries worksheet covers limits and agreements in more depth than a single worksheet section allows.

Running a longer course of relationship work? Couples therapy workbook collects exercises you can sequence across several sessions.

Frequently asked questions